Thursday, January 04, 2007

The year that was

Well, the year 2007 just commenced, and through the last year I have seen scores of movies [Lost count quite some time back]. I take this opportunity to share my thoughts about 3 bollywood products which shaped the face of Bolly cinema’s 2006.



3. Tom Dick and Harry

Well… well.. well… what happens when 3 immensely talented actors who fail to cope up with the expectations of their respective directors having all their senses intact are deprived of 1 sense per head??!!
Rent the dvd of this movie if you have not seen this to find out!
This movie [groggily inspired by the likes of Masti and Kya kool hain hum] falls under the “Leave your brains back at home” genre of films and after having watched this you will probably realize that :
  • Brains are the one and only medium which can get you “up and ahead in life”. [Having/Not having a few senses don’t ever matter]
  • Soooper-brainy, witty and intelligent anecdotes and fighting skills [Provided aplenty by the tenacious trio] are all that you need to win pretty damsels like Celina.{Ohh LA LA}.
  • In case nothing works, you can always back on the nasal crooner[read. HIMESSSSSSSS]. A few surreal lines like “Dil mein macha di tune dhoom” should be more than sufficient to attain nirvana.

All in all another Must-See from the mega-hit production of Deepak Tijori who has been churning in one hit after another year after year. After having explored fascinatingly varied and novel topics like call-boys [OOPS!] , sexually driven murder mystery [Fareb], Mr Tijori tries his hand at this highly un-explored genre [raunchy comedy] and as always excels to the E.


2. Teesri Aankh [THE HIDDEN CAMERA]

There are pro’s and con’s to everything as they say. If technological advancements and scientific break through’s have made life more comfortable, there are people like Harry Baweja who will use these technologies as the topics for their movies to challenge the comforts in our lives!!!!


As the ever so corny angreji catchline of the movie suggests, this movie is about hidden camera’s. Now make a wild guess what this camera shoots….???
But obvious, Himesh [The chamiya] enjoying a bubble bath and crooning away to glory… “tanhaiyaaaan.. aaaaaaa.. tan haiiiiiiiiiii yaaaaaaaannnnnn”.
Actually this is a cult movie that researches the reason behind the loneliness that people generally feel when they tend to cover the dandruff on their scalp with a cap and suffer from nose-o-song(ia) mania.
So the hero of our movie Mukesh Rishi, sets up hidden cameras in all the loo’s that chamiya bathes in. He minutely observes his actions, takes down copious notes and is on course to preparing a thesis that shall rock the basic roots of science, philosophy, religion, morality and Surooorology.
However, Mr villain {sunny paji) has other ideas. He is the middle class bred, traditionally valued khaki clad cop who believes that the public notions about certain aspects should not be messed with. Hence to prevent the blasphemous findings of Rishi that might inspire the bubbling youth of the country to don denim caps, bend their necks 45 degress to the horizontal axes and go crooooning “OOOOOOOOOOOOOO” in the shower room’s, sunny paji embarks on a mission to stop the man.
What follows is a roller-coaster ride through from the chawls of Mumbai to the under-world of London. After having single-handedly mauled half of the London cops and the entire gang of Rishi, sunny paji manages to get his hands on the thesis and chamiya as well. Wanna know what happens next???
Rent the DVD. This is a must see.
Harry Baweja does an excellent job as usual. He also ropes in Neha Dhupia for a small comic role. Neha has stated that “I did Teesri Aankh because of Harry Baweja.”
http://indiafm.com/features/2006/05/19/1219/index.html
Wow… wish I was in Harry’s shoes.


1. Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna
“Gali gali main shor hai.. dil ne manga more hai… KANK ne aj release kiya…. Dhoom dhamaka macha diya!”

Well this was the general feeling when KANK was released and wooo-hoooo.. did this movie live up to it’s expectations or what!
This movie deals with the pains that cricketers have to go through when they lose their place in the playing 11 and then the playing squad and finally even their zone squad.
The story goes something like this:
Once upon a time there was a cricketer [SRK] who was captain of the Indian team and was a match-winner [Always tended to score the winning runs with a huge 6]. He had a perfectly happy and gay relationship with his deputy [played by Small B] and they were taking their national team to new heights. But kabooooom!!! Inclusion of foreign coach [Played by Sexy Sam] and things suddenly started to go awry. Sam loved small B and wanted him all to himself. He didn’t like SRK getting up close and personal with him [lets call him SB]. He had noticed that every time his team got a wicket, SRK had invented a new method of getting to SB… the great team huddle. Each time SRK would put his arms around the waists of SB and slowly work his fingers up as long as the cameras in the stadium were busy shooting the departing batsman. Hence he sets up a plan with the higher authorities and got SRK out of the team…. and the the squad.
Now Sam had SB all to himself. He curbed all possibilities that SB had created to introduce some heterogeneous love in his life. Whenever SB was linked to any female, Sam went ahead and did things in public which ensured that SB had no further chance [Read.. Kissing Rani in the dark (Black); Lewd dance sequnces with Ash(BnB)]
However, soon he realizes that he has “Lund-engivitis”. A deadly disease that is seen in males due to overflow of seminal fluids without external aid. On his death-bed he realizes what a fool he’s been and he call’s SB and delivers the most priceless dialogue of the movie:
“"Mohabbat aur maut - donon bin bulaye mehmaan hote hain...”
However it’s too late for senti and he withers away into oblivion automatically causing SRK to be ushered back into the national side. The “Milan” of SRK and SB has been very aesthetically and beautifully immortalized in the camera lenses by the director with the song in the background going… “Kabhi Alvidaaaa na Kehnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”.
This will bring tears to the eyes of even the most “patthar dil insaaan”!
Hence the the protagonists of the movie play together happily ever after and win laurels for their national team.
Please don’t rent a DVD of this movie and abuse it…. Go to the local Music-World store and BUY IT! This excellent once in a decade movie ought to be in the showcase of every movie lover. Period.
[Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any person living/dead or non-living is purely intended.]

15 Comments:

At Fri Jan 05, 09:39:00 AM, Blogger PritS said...

Dude!! I must say this is the best movie review I have read till date. Guess what I have watched none of them. M missing someting in life yaar.. :)

 
At Fri Jan 05, 10:11:00 AM, Blogger Nasal Crooner said...

Thanks!! :P
Man.. ur dam lucky that you have skipped all the three movies!!
Be rest assured ur missing nothing.. :D

 
At Fri Jan 05, 12:49:00 PM, Anonymous soumojyoti said...

One of the most humorous and sarcastic reviews i have read till date.. Dude u have actually seen those movies?? Great job.. i think its because of reviews like these that such movies are made.. and without doubt Deepak Tijori wins the race by a thousandmiles.. :D I had the misfortune of seeing the movie OOPS myself.. :( But coming to the reviews again.. cool and exhaustive.. KANK is clearly the king of kings.. Long live Mr.Karan Johar .. Oops sorry sorry MRS it shud be right ?? :)) Great one dude!!

 
At Fri Jan 05, 04:11:00 PM, Blogger Nasal Crooner said...

he he Mr Johar definitely holds the Ramsay Bro's as his inspiration for directing such smooth horror flicks!
And Deepak Tijori basically needs an alternative job!

 
At Fri Jan 05, 06:31:00 PM, Blogger TheGreatOne's Home said...

lol...ki dhop ki dhop...:)
arrey oi chop tar ki naam jano?? oh ya...dhoper chop!! :)

hey newaz...nice write up dude..keep on postin such 'emotional' stuff..i am still sobbin...*sob**sob*...how cud SB leave SRK for Ash!!! :)

 
At Fri Jan 05, 07:09:00 PM, Blogger Nasal Crooner said...

i always had that "halka" soft spot for SRK man...
The ultimate bolly orgy for me wud be Himesss doing playback for SRK... Boy.... I can already imagine SRK going...
OOOOOOOOO uh uh uh oh oh oh main hoon kaun?!?! :O :O

LOlzzzzzzz :P

 
At Fri Jan 05, 10:23:00 PM, Blogger shantanu said...

Didn't read your reviews post. Read the one on Saurav Ganguly. Without commenting on the veracity of the article, it is very well written.

 
At Mon Jan 08, 01:44:00 PM, Blogger the_d_rulz! said...

he he he ha ha ha!!
dude...
leave alone the reviews...lets get behind the cameras (here, its ur pen) .. jus wanna know wen, how, whr, why ... i mean YAAAAKEE!!
lemme atleast know wat made u write this masterpiece!!!
(its still a mystery y da vinci painted monalisa) .. so go ahead dude, n u'll be more popular than vinci'da!!!
;o)

 
At Mon Jan 08, 02:45:00 PM, Blogger Nasal Crooner said...

he he...
just waiting to film a movie starring himesh n srk as two brothers who get lost in kumb mela..
and are reunited thru the song... "i love u my nani.. i love u my nani... koi shaq.... WAZAAAAAAAAAAAAA"!!!!

 
At Mon Jan 08, 06:05:00 PM, Blogger Ravi Shekhar said...

too good..these are the undoubtely the best review that is written ever.. i have not seen any of these but i think its complete with ur reviews..

 
At Tue Jan 09, 10:46:00 AM, Blogger Nasal Crooner said...

gee thanks!! :)

 
At Wed Feb 28, 08:07:00 PM, Blogger suhas said...

bringing down the house white guy /pretty fly [:D]

 
At Mon Mar 12, 08:48:00 PM, Blogger Harsha said...

ha ha ha...how i can i forget the expressions on my friends face,coming out of the multiplex after watching KANK. I asked him how the movie was,and he said "Dont KANK with my heart!!!"

 
At Fri Mar 16, 09:48:00 PM, Blogger Ranga Khush said...

Nice one dude!! but to really get Ranga to ROFL, ull have to be more nasty, however the imagination is indeed great!

 
At Wed Apr 04, 11:35:00 AM, Blogger Tikna said...

dude.. i am at a loss ow words... piece of art!!
BUT YOU WATCH MOVIES LIKE TEESRI AANKH.... EEEUUUUUUUUUUU... go die man

 

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